Dear Blog or whatever new name for Journal

#1 Maybe - Ingrid Michaelson @ingridmusic

#2 Landslide - Fletwood Mac

#3 From the inside out - Hillsong United @hillsongunited

#4 If it wasnt for you - Jimmy Needham @JimmyNeedham

#5 Why should she wait - Marc Broussard ft. Sara Bareilles @MarcBroussad @sarabmusic

#6 Breath Again - Sara Bareilles @sarabmusic

#7 One and Only - Adele @OfficialAdele

#8 Lovesick - the ARROWS @thearrowssa

#9 Poison & Wine - The civil wars @thecivilwars

#10 Marry Me - Train @train

#11 Songbird - Fletwood Mac

#12 I wanna fall in love - Tim Halperin @timhalperin

#13 Beg - Shane & Shane @shaneandshane

#14 The truth - DCtalk

#15 Home is me - Everly @everlysong

#16 Parachute - Ingrid Michaelson @ingridmusic

#17 Off I go - Greg Laswell @GregLaswell

#18 Never Find Again - Jason Reeves @JasonReeves

#19 Give your eyes - Brandon Heath @brandonheath

#20 C.S. Lewis Song - Brooke Fraser @brookefraser

somewhere in 2006.

Actually I can’t really explain who I am, without first telling you who I was:
One day, when I was 7 years-old, my mom go sick. I thought it was just flu, but the weird thing was, I had never seen anyone undergo a surgery because of flu, so I wasn’t too sure what exactly it was. In spite of it all that, everything was okay; the important thing was that after the surgery, she was fine again.

My mom worked a lot, in fact I only saw her twice a day: in the morning when I woke up to go to school and at night when I waited for her to come back home. I loved her and I still do. I was a good daughter, not a perfect one, but a good one.  There was also something about her that always amazed me. Even though, she had a lot of problems to deal with, there was always something that comforted her that I didn’t know about.

When I was 13 years old, she got that flu that I told you about before again, and I found out that it wasn’t a simple flu, but it was a really dangerous cancer. It was a scary year for my family.

Now, I can tell you who I was: I was a frightened girl, that didn’t want anyone to see that deep down; I was very sad and afraid of the future. I went through an entire year afraid of talking to my mother and looking her in the eye, because I didn’t want to hear the truth.  I avoided it as much as I could.  Instead, I preferred to live in my private world. It was hard seeing that woman who was so strong crying like a child.

In December, during school vacation, my mom stayed at home with me and for the first time we were having a mother-daughter relationship. It was then, during this short, but unforgettable period, that I could see who comforted her, and why she had that peace. In January of 2004, she died.  However, she gave me a present before she left.  She introduced me to a person who would substitute her.

Now I can tell you who I am today. This person my mother introduced me to, showed me real love, in spite of the fact that I ignored Him my whole life. He showed me that He wanted me in His family, and even if I didn’t want to live anymore because of everything that had happened, He was still willing to live for me. I just needed to let Him move me. It’s like a great friend of mine once said: I found a treasure!

Today, I’m very different. I don’t need to hide anything anymore because He wants me as I am so He can change me to the way He needs me. Now I have a purpose:  To cooperate with a great family of many children, just like Him. I don’t live, I let Him live for me. I’ve learned that it’s necessary that He grows in me and that I become smaller and smaller everyday.

His name is Jesus, and what did He do? He died for me and gave me a brand new life. What do I have now? Peace and a hope that moves me day by day, grace by grace. What fills me? A wonderful love, which changed my heart into a thankful one. What Am I doing to thank Him? Living for him, and doing His will.

I’m not a very interesting person, you may not want to know me but I guarantee you that He is!I don’t know how to write very well, I’m not a journalist, or a writer, but I am a disciple, and one that wants to magnify His name with all that I have. 

Janeiro, 2009.

11 de Janeiro de 2003, há exatamente 6 anos a vida de uma menina estava mudando pra sempre. Naquele dia ela acordou com uma noticia um tanto quanto abaladora. Todavia a novidade - e aprendam desde já: novidade nem sempre é algo bom, mas sempre há um lado a se aproveitar - foi dada de uma forma delicada e eu diria que até aceitável. Algumas horas depois, ela estava sentada numa escadaria com seu celular na mão, a procura de um número pra ligar, alguem com quem ela pudesse conversar sobre a novidade… Infelizmente, o que ela tinha esquecido é que durante sua vida ela não havia permitido que muitas pessoas se aproximassem dela a ponto de naquele dia estarem dispostos a compartilhar daquilo.

Ao mesmo tempo que ela estava lá, sem saber bem o que pensar, fazer ou falar, todas as outras pessoas estavam reunidas em uma sala, por trás da escadaria, lamentando, consolando, chorando… Mas nenhuma dessas ações se aplicava a essa pobre menina. Um turbilhão de sentimentos passavam em seu coração, com coração de  menina, ela mal sabia nomeá-los. E em sua cabeça parecia que um vulcão havia entrado em erupção. Não sei se vocês já passaram por isso, mas aquela menina não estava acreditando no que estava acontecendo, parecia cena de novela, filme ou algum desses dramas literários que ela havia lido… Mas estava realmente acontecendo com ela. Na época ela era muito nova pra tomar determinadas atitudes, mas hoje ela lembra de tudo com mais detalhes, calma, diria ate que prudÊncia… Talvez ela até saiba nomear os sentimentos que se passaram, talvez ela não ficasse tão abismada por não ter tido pra quem ligar.

O fato é que depois daquela manhã a menina virou mulher. E depois de 6 anos o que ela nao soube fazer ela aprendeu, e o choro preso foi solto, as palavras de consolo agora são ditas, os sentimentos são um tanto quanto claros. Apenas uma coisa não mudou. Na manha seguinte ao acontecimento ela acordou achando que tudo havia sido um sonho, ou uma lembrança de algum dos tão amados livros lidos, e até onde sei ela continua tendo essa mesma impressão, de que em algum momento ela vai acordar, mas não só por causa daquele dia, mas por todas as outras coisas que aconteceram depois daquilo, hoje ela tem certeza de que sua vida parece ser filme. Com direito a perdas, ganhos, viagens e aventuras,  espera de um amor eterno e um final feliz. Bem, hoje não tenho tanta certeza se ela quer acordar do sonho, pelo menos ate onde a conheço…

C.

(via libraryland)