Dear Blog or whatever new name for Journal

Sympathize. That is what happens when you feel about what someone else is feeling, because you went through that. This weekend was like a Sympathizing Holiday.

Well, most of my friends… most not all, know that I lost my mom when I was 13. Because of a cancer. Due to that it wasn’t what I call - easy - to watch Sandra Bullock’s speech at the Oscar.

wow! God knows how much I wanted to show my mom my driver’s license, and have her giving me advices about it; or watching my acceptance at university on TV - after years listening to her saying “Carol you don’t know but you’re going to be a teacher”; or sharing OUR dream of going to the US, showing the pics, telling the stories… Then maybe I could speak about my mom as beautifully as she did. But that speech made me cry.

Not satisfied with the feeling, I listened to Steven Curtis Chapman’s album “Beauty Will Rise”, the one he dedicated to his daughter after she died. I have to tell that it made me cry even worse - I’m not exactly an easy crying person - but after all the tears I had a comfort: as I said before, God knows.

He knows it so well that He put so many parts of my mom on me that sometimes I can’t even believe. The will to get a haircut in the middle of the night no matter what; or our moments of seriousness; or her will to take care of everyone and forget about herself; or laughing about the silliest things ever; or doing our “fatty going out things”; or her way of walking; or her smile… I am her daughter after all.

But there is one thing I am sure I am alike her, one thing we share, one thing that makes us completely similar: Jesus. The one that makes me wake up every morning and have a thankful heart; the one that leads me every moment of my life; the one that makes me remember my mom with joy not grief despite the so hidden tears; the one that reminds me that I am not so strong as every one think I am. He is the hope that encourages me every day. And that makes me sympathize to those who have it and the ones that don’t.

Thanks Morgana Silva da Rocha, you were the one to show me the hope when I was hopeless and to show me there would still have life when I thought the world turned lifeless.

Radicalism is different from legalism. Legalism does not change you, but your habits. Radicalism can take you to where you want to be and what you want to became. I’ll get  as extreme as needed to get there. I’m not here for a ordinary life, I won’t be satisfied with what this world offers me. Nothing less than what God prepared for me satisfies me.

Alright! I’m a girl and as any girl in the world I can think-do-speak-and whatever else about so many things at one time. I’m back from vacation and I do have lots and lots of things to tell… Where should I start?

[Btw this is going to be a biiiggg post, don;t go on if you’re not feeling like]

December was sort of weird! For some reason I was still waiting to see some real winter. So, every Saturday I felt like going ice skating as I did before except for I’m living under a hot as hell sun that melts me every single morning. I can tell it was sort of frustrating, although I did many cool things as: crossing part of a lake swimming just to jump from a platform[moment of insanity] or riding a jet ski or staying ALL DAY LONG at home just to read. Yeah! I know it wasn’t THAT cool, but I had fun.

X-mas came then New Year’s eve and things got lit bit worse. After all what’s that without snow??? BUt I got through it again with my head up high. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

Finally January came and the countdown with it. ACUÍPE was coming to me. The trip was awesome and tiresome and lotofthings-some. I got my color back after a week of tanning, I met so many friends that I’ve been missing. It was more than I could ask for actually thanks to my friends. It was like screaming DUTCH BLITZ after the faster and most complicated Blitz match. It was something from laughing out loud to crying as a baby…

Do you know the feeling when you feel like your vacation just started and things are getting perfect then you remeber: Holly Cow! I work tomorrow morning?

YEAH! RIGHT! Not really enjoyable thought… Maybe a little, after all kids a fun too.

Then back to work I finally got my kids groups [when I say kids I mean little little kids]. I was so excited. I do love kids they make my day happier no matter what. Then the classes started, I found out I got some RHS(really hard stds) BUT THAT’S OKAY! I can handle them. My first kids group was freaking cute and smart.

THEN… tan tan tan tan… drum’s roll

Today came, and I had the most cute and funny kids group until 5 of 9 started to cry. I WANT MY MOM! That was what they were saying [I’m really thinking about teaching them that sentence in English, at least they would practice a lot.]

For real, it freaked me out! I thought to myself: Who thought I could handle it? My helper[ Debs I couldn’t make it without u] helped me so much. 4 teachers were there to calm them down. After couple of endless minutes SOME of them were okay coloring - happy - no crying. But I still had couple of them sort of frustrating.

With all the mess going on I felt unable to do it. For a moment I felt as I could not teach them. But at the same time I really wanted to do it. Take the challenge. I can’t lie I loved them. Harder it is more I’ll like it. After the class one of the boys came back to show his classroom to his family and show their teachers… this is priceless.

Oh! How did I forget about it??? Also this afternoon one of my classes was recorded for a kinda famous-really famous- channel. Yes! This all happened to me today. And it’s just the beginning of the semester.  Big long freaking day. And my classes at university didn’t even start.

[ah! I got a new job too I’m teaching in another regular school - I would say it’s different, funny, but different. I liked it tough.] Interesting Interesting Year. Welcoming myself to 2010.

I didn’t even get to the homehood thing or … forget it. I’ll tell it another day.

Fim do ano chegou. Os balanços chegaram, recapitulação do que se fez, do que não foi feito. A lista de alvos para o ano seguinte recomeça a mera repetição  de sempre. A saudade das coisas que passaram é incontrolável. A espera por um ano melhor e irremediável. No acender dos fogos as pessoas irão se abraçar, alguns irão chorar outros irão parar para refletir… Então me pergunto o que irá mudar em 2010? Vale a pena fazer a lista de alvos apenas para suprir a necessidade humana de ter um objetivo, mesmo, se o mínimo esforço para alcançá-lo… Aparentemente o passar do ano me faz refletir também.